Welcome to my personal story on what it’s like for me to be dyslexic . I am traveling Australia in my newly renovated bus with my beautiful partner Paul and dog Banjo, we will be interviewing people who are interesting, places we go and experiences that we have… To check out our bus, check out… Read about the bus journey here #shareourblog #followus
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Here goes nothing but the truth… To make it clear from the start, I will have many spelling mistakes (TO YOU) in this blog, and today I’m allowing myself to be ok about it. I will not STRESS out about looking stupid, and stress about looking over and over and over my writing to try and make it perfect… Today I say no, today I allow myself to be person who struggles to spell. I want to talk about how frustrating it is for me to live in a world/society were academic results and being professional is so highly regarded and appreciated and visual and interpersonal are not.
Growing up as a young child, hmmm… I loved making cubbies out of furniture with my brother, I loved learning how to sew and knit with my Oma and mum, I loved watching the lights on the ambulance as my dad went to work, I loved playing games, I loved painting, I loved making a mess, I loved cooking, I loved swimming, I loved hearing a beat and allowing my body to freely move to it in anyway that I choose, I loved spinning around in circles then laying on the ground watching the world spin and mostly I loved being social and learning about people. When i was participating in these actives i felt so confident and happy…
Until, I went to school, and I had to learn about these lines that went in all different ways and were all different shapes and sizes… They had sounds, and expanded in size, they explained things, people, places, the world but not mine…. This for me was so so confusing… it still is… All of these symbols make a word, which describe, explain, interpret etc etc… WOW… and then there are all of the SILENT letters (who invented this SERIOUSLY??? ) and symbols etc etc etc… it simply was something that i felt very confronting and difficult to get my head around…
When I read, it takes me a long time, and I often have to read over things a number of times before it actually sinks in and so I can grasp the concept of it. I find it so frustrating and at school i would LOATH reading out loud to the class as i have to break the words down so i can actually understand… I would feel so much pressure and anxiety that I couldn’t focus on the words and i would muck it up then feel down for the hole day not feeling smart enough… which that belief system that i have developed “not smart enough” its something that i am working incredibly hard at to shift… Gosh i feel like crying right now thinking about how confronting reading a paragraph to a class was for me.
JUST USE SPELL CHECK..
I saw a tutor to get extra support with my spelling and grammar and I’m sure that it would of helped to a point although i never remember any school teacher looking at me and trying to understand the way i learnt and worked with my skills to help me achieve… (apart from my mum) Whenever i tell people that going to university is something that really concerns me as i STRUGGLE with writing assignments and learning information in a academic formula, they say, oh don’t worry, you have spell check… SPELL CHECK!! gah! I feel constantly picked on when i don’t spell something right… I HATE IT.. ITS SO FUSTRATING… WHY DOESNT MY BRAIN GET IT????
Left and Right… Its simple
You either go left, or you go right? WRONG… I get them confused ALL THE TIME… i occasionally get them right and its like fire works of excitement go off in my mind. Although this is a rare event, people laugh at me, tease me and also comment with things like “HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LEFT AND RIGHT?” I don’t know why… Ive herd all the tricks of trying to remember like the left hand makes a L shape etc etc. For my drivers licences test, i wrote L on my hand for “left” and R on my other for “right”… I still went the wrong was. EMBARRASSING!!!!! This is something that i really struggle with and find incredibly challenging….
I started working for a mental health organisation where i HAD to write documents which are legal documents (mental Health assessments) and i would focus so much on the spelling of the words as i didn’t want to get in wrong in fear for the doctors/nurses/psychologist/social workers etc judging me and thinking that i am incompetent that i would freak out and try to take as many short cuts as possible, it really effected me and the way i worked… how could i actually improve my skills, when i felt an immense over load of pressure JUST writing a word… *tears*
ALSO…. Numberzzzz… mmmh.
When i look at the number 73, ill read 37… ALL THE TIME… WHY? its not what it says, although that is what i see… I will write word backwards… like “The”… Ill write E… then realise that I forgot the TH… HUH? I observe myself doing this, i know that it’s not “NORMAL” although its what happens… over and over again.
I have never been formally tested with Dyslexia, I was meant to at school, although the lady did not to rock up and to get tested now would cost me thousands,… Ive done allot of research and spoken to a number of professionals… its clear to me that i do have very strong symptoms of being dyslexic… And i am very much on a mission to find out how i can learn, Maths and English in a way that i am able to understand….
THERE IS HOPE…. I am making sure of it….
Why is being dyslexic a positive for me???
I have the most vivid imagination, If you tell me a story, its like a movie screen opens up in my mind its like I’m actually watching a movie… I LOVE THIS… i love hearing about people lives and stories… its like a free movie for me… I think in pictures and images, never in words… Can you a imagine a renovated bus, and me traveling around Australia with a massive smile on my face with the wind blowing in my hair? I SURE CAN… and this DRIVES me… its gives me persistence make the images i see in my mind in to my reality and I’m so so so so so good at doing it… 🙂
I am CREATIVE…
I am also very creative, i CAN easily make something out of nothing, i can make it beautiful, i can make the colours match and be aesthetically pleasing… EASY… If there is something that needs to be fixed, i can construct solutions in my mind to fix it… I can think of new ideas to improve situations… look at all the tools that i have, and utilise them to make effective, easy and productive changes… I can SEE what needs to be changed… and act! I do, time and time again notice how DIFFERENTLY i SEE things/situations from others, which I’m learning to love instead of feeling out of place…
I SEE, I DO…
Even though i am not the best drawer/painter etc, I find that i learn so quickly and find it really easy to understand the process of how to do things… The colours, the textures, the strokes, the movement… ITS BLISS! I am in such a happy space when i am exploring and playing with these mediums. And sewing, its like all of these different shapes (like a puzzle) and i get to put them all together, LOVE IT!!!!!
WHY? HOW? WHEN? WHAT?
I am (to some people dislike) incredibly CURIOUS… i want to know how things work, and WHY? I love meeting new people, “seeing” their environment, watching how they live their life and learning from them… WHY? HOW? DID YOU? WHEN? WHO? etc etc etc
I SEE IT AND I BELIEVE IT
I formost, do not follow the crowd… i strive for things that are better, and i struggle settling for less… WHY… because i CAN SEE that there is a better way, a easier way, a more productive way, a funner way, a loving way… etc… Just because someone said so, it doesnt mean so, RIGHT!!! lol! This can also frustrate people as i can be rather rebellious and find it hard to do what I’m told… Im not saying that I believe that my way in right, I am so open to ideas and change… 🙂
Something that really helped me embrace my change of thoughts about all these aspects of who i am was an event that happened recently… I was helping my partners sisters paint her baby room, they choose a really intense bright green, which is warming to me now, although as my partner, father and brother in law (to be) were painting, My brother in law commented on that he is really good and maths and English, and anything creative is challenging for him… And i thought WOW… i used to look at him and think, “you appear to be great with your money and have read heaps of books, your so smart and i wish i could be like that..” THEN all of a sudden and i STOPPED comparing myself to him, and i started to LOVE all of these things about myself.. i DONT want to be like that, i want to be creative, i want to INVEST in people not money, i want LEARN by DOING, not reading… Not saying that his approach is any better or worse then mine, it just changed in my head…
ALSO, I always ask myself, how does this situation/decision/event/choice make my body FEEL when i think or hear about it… i tend to go on a whim and trust the feeling and ignore the little voice in my head… WHY? because i TRUST that my heart always knows the way… I trust my intuition… and i am intuitive…
WHAT DOES THE FUTURE HOLD FOR ME? well… i don’t know… I think more and more that i would like to learn from the UNIverse not UNIversity… I want to travel (not just physically, but emotionally, spiritual, mentally, creatively etc) , i want to manifest all this cool stuff that i have in my mind and i want to be ok with not being the “best” speller… I will MAKE a profession and an environment where my skills are encouraged and appreciated… not be littled and discouraged… and i will continue to develop my skills to learn and grow so this won’t always be a barrier to my development…
I have a gift… Thank you label dyslexia for allowing this positive change!!! 🙂 xxxx